bad words

can you guys remember the first time you ever heard a curse word? i do. i remember that day like it was yesterday morning, the day my mind was first tainted by the eff bomb. Lets take a journey down memory lane, shall we?

k lets see, it was a warm spring afternoon in the year 1999 at Orchard Hill Elementary School. I had just asked my 4th grade teacher Mr. Franey if i could go to the bathroom. He obliged, and so after grabbin the bathroom pass, i skipped on out merrily into the hallway with my innocence still intact of course. As i was rounding the hallway bend, humming oops i did it again to myself, i see my old third grade buddy with his friend also! Having not seen him in almost 2 hours since lunchtime, i decide to attack him from behind. like a sneak attack, y'know? So i run up to him and yell "AHHH" while pushing/grabbing him playfully. He then proceeds to shout, "Get the F*ck off of me!" I was stunned. This new word bounced around in my prefrontal cortex, not matching anything i had previously known. As the word lingered in my young short term memory, my "buddy" proceeds to enforce the word and transfer it into my long term memory via LTP (long term potentiation) by saying, "you're such a f*cking idiot." He then turns around and leaves. I stood there for a second, gathering my thoughts. "huh" i thought to myself, "what an interesting word." as i finish my business in the bathroom and head back to class, i kept thinking about this new neat sounding word! When class ended, and i got onto the bus, i decided that i was going to incorporate this newly found word into my vocabulary. And who better to try it on then my younger 1st grade brother! I saw my lil bro with a grin on his face climb onto the bus and waddle towards me. He plumps down next to me and goes, "hi!" i go, "your such a f*cking idiot allen!" I saw his face contort in confusion. "what does that mean?" he asked. trying to be cool, i go "haha not tellin." I later on found out it was a word known as a "curse" word through my other 4th and 5th grade colleagues, who shared their traumatizing experiences of being beaten by their parents after saying the words. So i quickly stopped saying it for awhile. Little did i know however, my brother's mind underwent LTP also as one night, i tripped on the stairs while on the way to my room and he exclaims, "your such a f*ckin idiot eric!" This sent chills down my then underdeveloped fourth grade back. "thats a curse word allen! you can't say that!" "whats a curse word?" he asked. "idk, but its bad okay? mommys gonna hit you if you say it"
yeah i can't remember anything past that. so yeah, i taught my brother the eff word by accident.
F*ck.    

best text convo ever

mom: Eric, you know i love you always no matter if you are gay or not. (i read your blog already)
-Dec 6, 10:09 am
me: ok if you love me then order me my smartphone
-Dec 6, 10:13 am
mom: come home and i will oder with you
-Dec 6, 10:14 am
me: ok good. love you!
-Dec 6, 10:14 am

this convo was this morning, 12 hrs after my latest blog post. keep in mind this time i did not advertise my blog anywhere, and i have not blogged in a while. which leads me to assume my mom stalks me consistently on blogspot.

Love you mommyy!!! <3333 can't wait to get another text from you!!! we'll talk more about that smartphone

starting new

k i think i've just about exhausted all my bro knowledge. I think from here on out my entries will start being serious. I'm pretty sure if i keep talking the way i do in my blog, no medical school will ever accept me once they read it haha. i've heard med school admission officers stalk potential candidates. so chances are they'll prob find this. heehee.
oh btw, did you know my parents found out about my blog? it was a great day.
me: *walk into house
dad: Eric, I just read your blog
me: whaa? really? who showed you?
dad: allen did. Eric,  你是gay吗？(are you gay)
me: LOLOLOLOL AHAHAHHA
dad: why you tell boys to go after boys? what is bromance? where you come up with it
me: LOLOLOLOL AHAHAHAHH
dad: where did you get a picture of my car
me: LOLOOLOLOL AHAHAHAHH
me: k dad i'll see you later *walk up to my room
dad: stop saying bad words too!

k i was jk i'm prob gonna keep writing some stupid entries cause its fun.  i'll just delete this blog when i apply in june! lololers. don't worry though i'll write about serious sh*t too.

*my parents are prob reading this now. hey mom and dad! <3 you

romance

Hello, in this entry i will be elaborating on a very serious topic called relationships. I consider myself to be an expert when it comes to the art known as romance, and in this entry, i will teach you all i know so that you too may go forth and practice. oh btdubs i'm ain't talking about the lame kind of romance you guys prob think i'm about to talk about between a male and a female. (lolol gotemm) but for real, thats gross. i'm talking about the romance between bros, otherwise known as bromance.
Here are the reasons why bromances kick a$$
1. No Drama
While a real relationship may have its ups and downs and lots of drama(ew f'real), a bromance is simple and direct, there is no drama whatsoever, to two bros, any argument is just a temporary misunderstanding of the other bro to be a f*g. to end any argument, any variation of the simple convo will do, "aight bro, you done b*tchin?" "yeah bro my bad, hug me b*tch". and thats it. how do you build bromances? chilll i'll elaborate soon n*gga
2. Loyalty
A bro always has another bro's back, whether it be taking care of each other when crunked out, keepin secretzz, **** assisting, or when a fights about to go down (but first make sure at least one of your bros is a big bro).

3. Bro Seshes
A bro sesh is pretty much what makes bromances worth it. It's just bros hanging out, by doing a whole variety of activities to further said bromance. If you want to build a bromance with someone, this is it! easiest way to build a bromantic relationship is through seshes. Don't know how to start a sesh? don't worry brah i'll help you out. Heres one of the most basic ones: Things you'll need: at least 2 bros, a couple cigs(optional), a bench and your good!. Thats it mang, only real requirement is at least 2 bros. (lolol jk about the cigs, but not really) heehee  

A bromance is perfect. It is simply the expression of affection between two bros who ain't actually gay. Once two bros have a bromance, it means their connection with one another has reached a level exceeding the brodom felt in the gym. Therefore they are allowed to have more intimate contact with one another than just a hand shake or a pat on the back. However it must be within reason. One does not want to cross the belt buckle threshold. Recall in my previous entries about bros not being gay. cause thats just gay f'real. Touching a bro bromantically is okay as long as its above the ventral waistline (backside doesn't matter). Ex: "Damn bro, your thighs are getting huge from those squats", (*bro1 proceeds to squeeze bro2's thighs) "not cool bro" (bro2 slaps bro1's hand off)

Oh this entry applies to brodettes as well.
aight mang, hope this entry helped. now stop wasting time on the opposite sex, and get on ur bromances!!

Hallow's Eve

So i'm at my crib sunday night givin out candy right? Probs the first time i've given out candy personally since fall 07 (my moms and pop weren't home) My observations: kids these days are too effing lazy. They expect you to hook em up with the good sh*t without sayin trick or treat! wtf is this nonsense, damn it, you gotta work for that shizz, dayum candy ain't free! Either degrade yourself or get the eff off my props f'real. I"m talking specifically to the preteen biotches who go out at 8:30 (cause they're cool kids and they're rebelling by going out late). I had a staring contest with this preteen ninja. i may have mentioned to some of you that it lasted for a whole 7 seconds. After 7 seconds i was like, "what do you sayy?" but in my tone it basically translated to "bro, either say it or GTFO" He muttered "trickotreat" I'm like "Damnnn Straight" 

Man, back in the day when i was trick or treatin, not only did you have to say trick or treat to get anything, but sometimes the parents gave you crap like dried raisins!!! It was a constant battle to get high quality sh*t like skittles. You think you can taste the rainbow by just showin up? hell naw, You had to invest time and energy to get what you wanted. It taught great critical thinking skills, like which sketch houses to avoid, and it taught great people skills, cause you had to ask ppl about houses and make trades, example: "yo bro you hit up that house yet?" "yea bro, don't bother, dat gurl be trippin, she givin out candied apples!" "damn bro, aight my mystery flavored airhead for that roll up?" "hell no, yo airhead AND the pink starburst" "aight deal." damn man, i cringe when i think about the next generation of bros.  I sneaked a peak at spiderman's bag (he was 8, mad cutee) and he had freakin snickers bars, 3 musketeers, full sized bags of m&ms, and freakin gushers!!, freakin spoiled brat.damn yo, kids got it too good these days. Imma tell my parents to give out bible verses next year. teach these punks a lesson on halloween etiquette. Hopefully turn them into the responsible bros and brodettes of tommorow.

saturday night was mad fun too, I <3 drunk ppl

GYM

ahh the gym. what a wondrous place filled with testosterone and iron. For me, what makes the gym such a beautiful place, would definitely be the community. The gym is basically a bro haven, where bros can go and feel a sense of connection to all bros. don't believe me? well read on brah, i'll explain everything very shortly. The gym does not discriminate. you got your small bros, your big bros, your medium sized bros, your brodettes (i saw a girl squatting 225 (yeah i counted) and i'm like dammnn okay respecttt), and you got your disgustingly nuclear powered v12 diesel bros. Bros come in all shapes sizes and colors. Although we have our differences outside the gym, inside the gym, we are as one. we help each other grow physically and mentally

the physical aspect: A bro does not hesitate to help a fellow bro in need of a spot. This is one of the fundamental rules of the gym. One that is innate to all bros. example: So i'm in the gym minding my own bizz gettinng big y'know? and this bro in the big bro category comes up to me and is like, "yo bro spot me?" Without hesitation i answer, "no prob bro i got you." he goes "aight mang"  So i go over to him after i'm done and i immediately notice he's going for 245 lb on bench press. i'm like SHIETTT okay big boii goin bigg. However my respect for this guy did not come to its apex until i saw him bench it 8 times in a row!! As I counted out how many he's done, i throw in some words of encouragement, cuz thats how bros bro out and connect,  I'm like, "you got this bro, three more, two more, one more, yeee brooo" As he finished, i'm like "nice mangg", and hes like "thanks bro", i'm like "np brah."

the mental part is obvious, seeing a big bro or a diesel bro throw up a bajiillion pounds makes you wonder and hope that one day you may become as large as this bro you also then respect this bro even more. Of course don't watch a bro lift unless your spotting them. cuz for real thats gay. bros ain't gay. just look secretly and admire. then again for the disgustingly large bros, admiration is all you want to do cuz who the eff wants to be that big? super inefficient. going back to the looking secretly thing, i've learned that if you get caught admiring a big boi, you can always quickly dart your eyes towards an exercise machine cause then it looks like your just getting mentally ready to do that exercise. 

lol yeah so come lift with me and my suitemates! we can admire big bois together 

my new baby

k i thought of something to write about: my new ride
so i've been asking my parents to let me have a car on campus for a while now, but they're always like, "naw bro, we dont got an extra ride for you" and i'm like "damn." however recently they bought a new car for themselves and suddenly, everything changed. one day, my dad's like, "brah, you know how you were asking for a new ride? you can take the minivan to school if you want" I"m like "oh shiett, shottyy" my lil bro's like "why would you want a minivan?" I"m like, "dumba$$, minivans are the sh*t, ur obvs too young to understand." and if you too are wondering why i love my new minivan let me drop some knowledge on you
these are some of the specs
1998 plymouth grand voyager; color: champagne  (okay hot color)

under the hood its packin a 150 hp 2.4 L EDZ I4 engine (okay respect)
it has a cd player, radio, air conditioning, sliding doors, removable bucket seats in the back, grocery bag hooks, and of course, countless cup holders.
yeah, whaddup get on my level
but really the only reason i love it so much is because its a functioning car LOL i'm thankful my parents decided to even let me have a car haha